Editing Goanna Hoyle's Match Reports (section)

==Round 7: Toecutters vs Hawks==

Ah yes lad – ‘tis beautiful weather and we have been treated to some beautiful buce – the Gods must have woken up with a boner this morning.   

I’ll start with your deltoids so sitting up if you would.  Yes thoroughly satisfied I was with all three matches.  The intensity was definitely down for the snowflowers who seemed to play their grand final last week against the cutters.  The Scourge are a slimy lot and if the gatekeeper’s out for a piddle, they’ll hurdle the turnstile and strut right in.  Giants were brilliant in their practice match and stuck to their game plan perfectly.  I loved the way Guy ‘can’t be as stupid as he looks’ Bevan completed the plan to lull the Clan into a false sense of security by slamming home an own buce late in the game.  This is becoming a signature move for Bevan who just can’t stand to be off the scorers list.  The Clan will now start popular favourites for SF1 but there’s plenty of buce to be played before the clan can suckle from the coveted silverware. 

Too right lad – the cutters v Hawks match was always going to be the pick of the games and it didn’t disappoint.  Knuckles Rogers was obviously not happy with the Toecutters structure in recent weeks and moved from the inverted diamond to a bold new triangular pattern.  This only required three players so Knuckles held the pool cleaner and the thin blue line on the reserve bench and out of the media spotlight for the entire game.  Knuckles had isolated Cement Cowen on a three day mind and body retreat and at the end of the first half I was reminded of the 1999 state of origin when the Blues side was decimated after horse riding and deep sea fishing mishaps during training camp.  Cream da La Cream was also showing signs of a long hard summer and Knuckles was not only carrying the load in attack but was also leading with some targeted pressure marking in D.  Sloppy cheap turnovers and some pinpoint aerial service from Fearless Furner and Nick ‘never far away’ Allan saw the Hawks limp to a three nil lead at the turn. 

Just having a bit of trouble with a deep knot adjacent your left scapula – Have you been alternating hands when visiting Mrs Palmer and her five daughters like I told you lad?   Well no wonder you’re all gnarly there then!  Second half?  Yeah that was a masterclass in cerebral buce lad – can’t argue with you there.  Hawks didn’t play poorly.  Leaping Michael ‘Air’ Read was typically strong above two metres and when Loony Leung came on he added some much needed pace.  The Hawks were good enough to beat any side playing any regular round match but lad this was not just any round – this was the wooden spoon round.  When the Toecutters finally started executing the ‘triangular strangle’ as Knuckles had called it, the Hawks did not respond.  When the screws were turned the Hawks went to water.  Daniel Carr provided the only wofts of resistence but he was swimming upstream against a tidal surge from the sewerage works.  When the toecutters started the comeback it reminded me of the 2000 Olympics.  I was sitting trackside at the 35 metre mark when the gun sounded for the 400m ladies final.  It was a cool August afternoon at Homebush and Cathy Freeman had slipped on a green and gold hoodie for the race. When they turned the 200 Cathy was sixth.  When they entered the straight she was fourth and when our little Cathy passed me the afterburners had kicked in and she was a mile in front and pulling away.  The Toecutters got in front after some clever lateral play and once in front knuckles pulled out the iron bar and put a few finishing touches on a dying Hawk flock.  

Righto lad, pop onto your tummy and I’ll do your lower deck.  Turning point you ask lad?  Well knuckles calm and resolute attitude at half time reminded me of John Daly in 1991.  Big john hadn’t even made the starting line up for the US PGA and was ninth reserve.  He drove through the night on spec and on the morning of day one was informed that the other 8 reserves had failed to even show up and that there was a late withdrawal and he was in.  Daly borrowed the caddy of the late withdrawal and didn’t even have time for a practice round.  Despite being tired, hangover, fat, unfit and in lousy form, Daly quaffed the leftover pizza from the 800km drive and played brilliantly and won the major easily. 

Play of the day?  Well there were many lad?  For mine though it was an artistic moment when the momentum of the game shifted totally to the Toecutters.  Cement was honouring the work of Julian Beaver and other modern masters by scrawling ‘serenity’ around the cutters defensive buce.  Referee Rogers respectfully held up the restart of the game and the fans knew that despite ending there campaign three wins early, the toecutters were continuing to belt buce to a more enlightened plane. 

I’ll just do your quads lad and then we’re done.  The final series?  Well I suspect Bevan will continue his strategy from the 2009 WBL and want to experiment in SF1 to guarantee the extra game before GF10 so that will see the Clan as first team through.  Haven’t the ‘ClanFans’ been a force this year.  High in quality as well as quantity and encompassing a broad age demographic that will certainly please the buce backroom brokers.  SF2 is a tantalizing prospect.  Blek and Scourge are both teams that all other teams love to hate.  Most of the Scourge players even hate Scourge.  I favour Scourge based on there overall balance.  Even in round two when Blek won seven blot, Scourge were the more attractive team.  That’s a fair point lad – not much of a compliment to say something is more attractive than a team with Callan Wrightson, Hamish Rogers and Jaxon Ireland.  Well perhaps we can agree that Scourge were the least unattractive side in their round three loss.  All that aside lad, as the Hawks have now hopefully learnt, regular round robin matches are one thing but when the big games are on, the big men stand tall.   

Right you are laddie – we’re done for today - go well and I’ll see you next week.