Editing Goanna Hoyle's Match Reports (section)

==Round 6: Toecutters vs Scourge==
Good to see you lad – now over onto your tummy

 

Yes I saw the game.  More like a shame than a game.  All the talk around the traps all week has been the Patrick twins and blow me down but Pete does a no show.  I was as surprised as Michael Jackson’s chimpanzee when the autopsy revealed MJ karked it with drugs in his system.  Pete was up the coast we heard – yeah right - more like some serious sibling rivalry that Jeff ‘hit man’Hardy and Matt ‘the meataxe’ Hardy would have been proud of when they faced off against each other in the WWE Summer Slam of 2006.

 

Neck a bit sore is it lad?  I’ve had a few with the same problem this week.  I put it down to lack of movement.  The fans were watching and waiting for the infamous Toecutter rebound but the buce never made it out of their half.  It was more one sided than Canada touching up Slavakia 18 nil in the women’s ice hockey last week.

 

Man of the match?  Your joking aren’t you lad?  Jackson Clarke had more touches than the entire Toecutter side and made more penetrations than Tiger Woods.  Clarke was more dominant than Usain Bolt when he won the 2008 Olympic 100 in 9.69 seconds with enough time to ask a spectator for her number mid race.  Bolt went on to add gold in the 200 and the relay.  Time will tell if JC can repeat his dominance next week against The Giants who smacked a limp Hawke outfit.

 

Pop onto your back lad and I’ll give the pecs a pounding.  No I wasn’t surprised that Theo had an impact – the thing that surprised me was that his impact was positive for his own side.  The on field jousting between Theo and the Thin Blue Line was reminiscent of Chief Harrigan and Spud Carroll standing toe to toe throughout the early nineties NRL.  Theo got the points last week but the Thin Blue Line has a memory as long as the ladies toilet queue at a Tom Jones concert. 

 

Ah the referee lad – I told you I never speak ill of the man with the whistle.  Does about as much good as putting ashtrays on a motorbike.  All I’ll say is Cream da la Cream picked the wrong day to taunt whistleman Charlie Rogers though.  Charlie was obviously having a bad hair day and he was in an ugly mood.  Even Knuckles had the good grace to put up only token objections when the Scourge became so determined in their defence that rather than see the Toecutters score, Anabarek Comerford chose to kick the bucket away and out of the scoring square.  Charlie awarded the penalty but none of the cutters knew about it.  Probably just rewards for the Toecutters who played with as much vision as Stevie Wonder throughout the entire game.

 

What’s that lad - turning point of the game you ask – well – I’ve heard the punters say that it was 6.2 seconds into the second half when before most of the crowd had retaken their seats, JC slotted a buce to immediately double his own and therefore the Scourge’s half time advantage.  Anyone who thinks the Cutters are finished when only 4 behind are a few sandwiches short of a picnic.  No lad the turning point was definitely when The Anabarek intercepted a rocket from cement Cowen to the pool cleaner late in the first half.  Had the pass got through, pool cleaner would have scored the elusive double buce and once the Cutters are in front they will never be beaten.

 

Sit up lad and I’ll stretch your calves – they feel as tight as a fishes arse.  Positives from the game?  Well the Scourge have found  a way to neutralise Theo which will really worry a few opponents.  And for the Toecutters.  Well I don’t think they can play any worse and they still came within one straight shot from a draw.

 

Righto lad your done.

 

See you next week – yeah the Toecutters will definitely be out to do some damage against Snowflowers in round 6 but the match I am really looking forward to is the  Scourge and Giants battle.  Seeing JC and Tim ‘show me the money’ Murdoch square off should put some bums on seats.  I reckon that dynamic duo are shorter favourites to win the 2010 funniest player and 2010 man of the series double than Phar Lap was in the 1933 Melbourne Cup.