Editing Goanna Hoyle's Match Reports (section)

==Round 5: Toecutters vs Giants==
Righto lad, lets start with you on your tummy.

 

Yes I saw the game.  When Peter Patrick got his first touch – well – reminded me of the 1993 Ashes series.  It was day two of the first test, Old Trafford pitch was flat and slow.  Mike Gatting was the skipper of the Poms who were at full strength following the return of several top players recently suspended for touring South Africa during the Apartheid era.  The Aussie skipper Alan ‘Grumpy’ Border tossed a young hirsute Shane Warne the ball.  Warney delivered the ‘Ball of the Century’ which left Gatting’s off stump lying on the ground and Gatting looking like he had woken up at 5.00am in the men’s toilet with his underpants round his ankles and 20 cents in his hand.  And just like Warney’s arrival changed test cricket forever, Peter Patrick has now changed Buce forever.

 

Bit sore there is it lad – I’ll go light for a minute then.  Turning point of the game you ask – well – when Peter Patrick broke his ankle I knew the match had turned.  See it – nah – I didn’t see it lad, but I certainly heard it.  Just like Mayday 1994.  A cocky Brazilian by the name of Ayrton Senna was leading the San Marino Grand Prix when he popped a front right steering bush.  I was over the other side of the track so I didn’t see the bush go but I heard it and immediately knew what it was and what would happen.  Senna was a three times world champion but at 315 clicks and no front right bush – the only place he was heading that day was the morgue.  That Peter Patrick kid has got some ticker though – not only stayed on his feet but kept playing and inspired the Cutters onto a memorable victory.

 

Right lad – just pop over onto your back – play of the day? – well a no brainer really.  Cream da la Cream’s match winner was poetry on ice.  Reminded me of the Thrilla in Manilla.  Ali and Smokin Joe Frazier were fighting for the third time and this was a heavyweight title bout.  It was the Araneta Coliseum in Quezon City, Manilla, Philippines.  I had only arrived a day before the 1 October 1975 fight and the streets were buzzing.  Frazier was the title holder after Ali had been stripped of his title after refusing to join the armed forces in the Vietnam War six years earlier.  Even though it was Frazier, himself, who had successfully petitioned Richard ‘Tricky Dicky’ Nixon (who had not yet been caught out on Watergate) for Ali’s right to even fight, Ali’s normal trash talking was in overdrive.  Ali had successfully raised doubts about Frazier being an ‘Uncle Tom’ which was probably the most vile and racially hateful slur on a black man’s character that could ever be made.  Ironically Frazier was the epitome of the poor black kid who was working cotton fields at the age of ten and it was in fact Ali who had had the easy life with opportunities Frazier and his 9 surviving siblings could only dream about.  Many say that Ali wasn’t the better fighter, he may not have possessed the technical brilliance or the range of his opponent but Ali knew how to win.  Just like the man who floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee on that balmy October evening in Manilla, Cream da la Cream strutted into the arena, boldly announced that he was the man and when Knuckles Rogers provided the serve, Cream de la Cream delivered the knockout point with a clinical savagery that stunned the crowd.

 

Any positives for the Giants? Certainly.  The diminutive Guy Bevan was strong and at times even looked like doing something positive with the buce.  The Giants are obviously missing Ricky (The Shade Maker) and many believe they will never recover.  I don’t believe that for a second.  The Giants need to rediscover the unpredictability that past legends like Dane McMahon-Squires provided for NSF (Dane didn’t even know what he was trying to do).  The Giants play was far too uni-dimensional and predictable.  Once Knuckles marked Tim Murdoch (aka the Phamtom – they seek him here, they seek him there, they seek him everywhere) out of the game, the Giants were a spent force - devoid of ideas and too inexperienced as a unit to adapt.  What’s that – unlucky you say – bullshit!  You make your own luck in the world of Buce.  Was it unlucky when in 1999, Serena Williams was penalised a point in the quarter finals of the Australian Open and went on to lose the match when her show pony hair beads spilled onto the court – no, it was just desserts.  Well when Guy’s panty liner slipped and he called a time out for ‘equipment failure’ thereby giving Peter Patrick a chance to realign his fractured foot and Drew ‘cement’ Cowen time to regain his breath, was that unlucky?  No way.  The only good thing to come out of that debacle was that the Giants are now in sponsorship talks with Carefree – makers of the new winged liners ‘for the protection and confidence you deserve’.

 

Righto lad your done – get your gear back on.

 

Yeah - see you next week – what’s that – yes my lad, I am looking forward to the Cutters round 5 clash against Snowflowers as well – now that should be a real bruising affair.  It will be good to see Gordon ‘PoolCleaner” Patrick back and we’re bound to see some slick combinations from the Patrick twins.  The Thin Blue Line should be back next week as well – now there is a selection dilemma that any decent Buce coach would pull a hammy for.