Editing Head to Head with The Philosopher (section)

==Semi Finals==


'''Toe Cutters Finals Campaign - Sunday 6 July 2009 '''

It was a high quality mid July afternoon and the atmosphere was bursting with anticipation like the waiting room of a premature ejaculation anonymous meeting. 

Semi final one saw the Sunflowers restore honour to a league that had teetered on the brink.  Immediately the game was underway Sunflowers announced their intention to claim their chance to meet the Toe Cutters in the knock out final to be played later that day.  Sunflowers were relentless in their pursuit of the much anticipated match up against the Toe Cutters and to their credit, Avalanche obliged by scoring the odd buce along the way.  When the match finished the fans responded initially with an ovation and then sensibly sort sustenance ahead of what was overheard to be described as the game of the century. 

Like the professionals that they are, Toe Cutters treated the now growing crowd to an entertaining semi-final against The Scourge.  ‘Fresh’ from detox and rehab, Mark ‘Cream da la Cream’ Crameri strutted onto the arena and made an immediate impact.  Seemingly immune to the taunts and the chorus of ‘suggestions’ from the now fed and watered and increasingly boisterous crowd, as well as from opponents, team mates and even the referee, Cream da la Cream marched to his own drum.   

Buce news will no doubt report that The Scourge tried – who knows – they probably did.  When the Scourge finally did score (come on boys – it has always been second hole from the back of the neck) and found themselves in front with just seconds remaining an uneasy calm weighed upon the city.  Knuckles, who had until this point been ominously quiet, could now finally gather the Cutters and remind them of their responsibilities to the Buce world.  Farting around as the Cutters had been doing was fun, sure.  And yes everybody found it mildly amusing when the buce was repeatedly lobbed to Theo so that he could fiddle with it for a few seconds before finding himself embarrassingly spent early and with the buce fumbled and leaving a stain on the ground at his feet – but the Cutters had a job to do.  It was now time to don balaclava and gloves, secure the motor and attend to business.  The Toe Cutters nonchalantly glided down town and when the buce was offered to Glen ‘Logistics’ Everson, Logs calmly slotted it home.  Need a job done boys – give logs the nod! 

So there it was, Sunflowers had done the job in semi one and Toe Cutters had done the job in semi two. 

The eagerly awaited final was upon us.  Both sides knew that a win in GF2 next week would be hollow indeed unless they had earned the right to be there.  There would be no favours asked for in this match and certainly none given for these were true men of buce and to a man they accepted their fate - to be the best, you need to beat the best. 

The game started as expected with a protracted debate between Knuckles and referee Charlie Rogers.  As with all such ‘exchanges’ each had claimed victory asserting that the other had blinked first.  Sunflowers came out swinging and with a well executed planned move, Knuckles was blatantly kicked in the face.  Along with the Machiavellian Sunflower foot, the confidence of the Toe Cutters soared as the Sunflowers were now clearly playing into the hands (and face) of the Toe Cutters.  Interestingly the force of the kick impacted adjacent to Knuckles’ hippocampus.  This seemed to dislodge some fatty acid build up and the resulting flooding of blood and serotonin had the effect on his limbic area not unlike an LSD flashback.  While it did not seem to effect his play in any way, Knuckles retired to the bench to enjoy some neural Hendrix and sea pig adventures. 

The fancy pants buce control of the Sunflowers certainly slowed the Cutter juggernaut and scoring was in points until Cream da la Cream opened his season scoring account by thumping home a buce to give the Cutters a well deserved lead.  

Knuckles reminded the cutters that the moral high ground is surrounded by hills, and with hills come slopes.  In popular debate over a wide range of political and social issues, no spectre is conjured up more often than the slippery slope.  If you permit practice A (either innocuous or mildly objectionable), then it will lead eventually to practice Z (obnoxious and highly undesirable – often referred to as the Dawes position).  Argument is focussed on practice A and energy is lost when practice B is subsequently proposed (it is hardly any different from the status quo of practice A so what is the fuss).  The Toe Cutters knew they needed to prevent even the Camel’s nose from entering the tent, the Toe Cutters needed to close the flap completely to a flea infested and smelly Sunflower Dromedary. 

Deep in the final period the scores were locked at four all.  With the direct route to the goal blocked by a sea of legs, Logs and the Thin Blue Line orchestrated a move that would see the buce hit the ground early and roll into the target as one might be forced to exit a dwelling under a fast descending security grate.  The play was duly executed and the crowd cheered in anticipation of a Cutter score.  When Charlie removed the Tally Ho and managed to squeeze the paper between buce and target, he ruled a no score.  Having been opened up by this refereeing jab, the crowd were seriously stunned by an uppercut delivered by Knuckles himself when Knuckles actually agreed with the referee’s decision.   

The Toe Cutters now had one foot hovering over the slippery slope of self doubt.  Thoughts of a draw and golden point extra time were knocking on the door distracting the Cutters from their task like the muffled whine of a distance but approaching siren.  With just seconds remaining in the match the Sunflower skipper who had played extremely poorly for the entire match, was given the chance to redeem himself.  Some loose marking from Cement Cowen was the rusty star picket needed to roll the drunken Cutters.  Guy took a deep breath in, closed his eyes and struck out at the buce.  A gust of wind caught the buce and propelled it toward the undefended goal.  While the buce was still in the air ‘final play’ was called, and the stunned silence of the crowd allowed the thump of the buce hitting the bottom of the bucket to echo long and loud and etch into the hearts and minds of the chosen few who were there to lay witness to one of the greatest sporting moments ever. 

Many had thought there was nothing to separate these two great prize fighters slugging it out blow for blow over 15 rounds – they were wrong. 

The genius which is buce now stood naked and erect for all to admire.  For in those dying seconds, the buce world had been shown that buce is not a plaything for the elite – far from it – buce is a seed of hope laying inside every child who has dared to dream.  Whether endowed with grace or speed or size or skill or whether just a pimply kid with a poor fashion sense and dry hair like Guy, buce is a game for anyone who is prepared to stop whingeing about the pile of excrement they are surrounded by and are prepared to steal a shovel and start digging. 

Both Avalanche and Sunflowers have now beaten the Toe Cutters and they can therefore claim a right to contest.  GF2 is now truly a special event.   

Bring it on – bring it on.


[[Category:Buce]]